New Year's Evolution

I know it's early to talk about the new year already, but I think it's a good time to start for a few different reasons.

I have a problem with New Year's Resolutions.

The word resolution itself comes from the word "resolve." When we resolve something it is finished, right? How can we be starting a new habit by finishing something? I can see it in one sense---quit smoking to start being healthier, start exercising to stop being unhealthy....but the wording doesn't totally seem to fit for what we're really trying to do. If I'm resolving something by finally starting an exercise program (quitting smoking, losing weight, managing my stress, etc.), doesn't it sound like a last resort?

I know last year I talked about how busy the gym was after January 1st, and I'm sure it will be again this year. It's great that people try to start an exercise program, but aren't you sick of trying and not having it stick? This leads us to the question of why it doesn't stick. WHY? Because we don't change anything except saying we are going to force ourselves to go to the gym. Who are we kidding? Does that ever work permanently?

Not very often.

The society we live in forces us into survival mode much of the time, whether it's about money, food, health, time, or something else. We are also fed the idea that we can find a magic bullet for reaching our goals, and also that we should be able to change our lifestyle instantly if we decide to.

The fact is, we are really bad at doing that....and there are no magic bullets. So maybe if we just look those facts in the face, we can deside not to resolve something this year in January, but to begin our evolution in the positive direction. We are always evolving, whether we try to or not---but whether it is going in the right direction or not is a different story.

Evolving in the right direction is up to you to plan. Your wellness coach (or friends or personal trainer, etc) can help, but you have to really decide for yourself where you want to go. Once you do, you can begin to take the steps to get there. What if your New Year's Evolution plan is to lose 20 pounds in a year? Can you break that year into months, and then begin to take small steps leading you to that goal? All of a sudden, 20 pounds (although the end goal) is not the entire focus. The focus is on what would you do today if you were going to work toward weighing 20 pounds less. You are not just trying to reduce a number with this approach, you are trying to change the type of person you are---you are evolving into a person who weighs less, not acting like a person who already weighs 20 pounds less than you do.

My direction after I leave RIT is going to be on evolution, not flip-flopping or resolving bad habits. You could start thinking about it today----figure out what your long-term evolution would include, and then break it down into smaller pieces to figure out what to do today. I hope you stay in touch with me and share what you're working on.

Update

Hi :)
I know, I haven't been posting. Sorry about that. Have I mentioned I'm leaving my job? Well, I have a few things going on that have been taking precedence over posting here. But, good news! My replacement at RIT started today, and she's really nice. I'll be bringing her around tomorrow (and throughout the rest of the week) to meet all of you. That means I'll be leaving by the end of next week----but I'll be stuck at the benefits fair from 9-3 on Tues and Wed so you can come by CIMS and say hi and bye.

Fall

Fall can be a tough time of year for many reasons----the light is less, the air is colder....its really time to hibernate right? Its almost NO-vember, which makes it easier to feel down rather than up.

I've had a lot of people talk to me in the past week who are depressed and overwhelmed, mostly with work issues. Its amazing how stressed out one person can really get and still function! Someone joked with me this week that at least the Prozac makes her numb to some of it. She's relatively new to her job at RIT, and she took it as a transfer from another department where she was really just a coffee filler-upper. She wasn't fulfilled there, so she took a busier job and now she's completely overwhelmed, in over her head, having stress chest pains, and upping her meds. She's not fulfilled now, can't even think about taking care of her health, and sees no end in sight.

My first reaction is to feel like she's just screwed. But really, she's not. We talked about a lot of strategies and different ways of approaching things and thinking about things. Options---what are they? Mindset---what can you do about it?

Easy? No. Simple? Yes. The bottom line is that no situation is perfect, and you have more control than you might first think you do about how you feel as you go through your days. That's not to say you should just decide to feel better and then you will, its just to say its worth figuring out what the right formula is for you to start working on feeling better!

Hibernation

For the past week or so, I have been really tired. Partly because I have been working on training for my new online teaching job, which is great but (unpaid and) takes about 3 hours a day. Have I mentioned that I never watch TV? I don't know how anyone fits it in. Seriously.

I'm not excited about leaving all the great people I've met at RIT and Rotork. Its beginning to sink in that I won't see you anymore, and I'm just kind of sad about that. I wish I could keep the fun chatty parts of the job and ditch the logistics and data entry. But I can't. And I am excited to only have my teaching jobs taking up my time, and working on some other things too. I might get to see my friends again :)

This has happened before---where I met and built relationships with people in a professional context---and then I have to leave, and its like leaving friends, even though we didn't really call ourselves friends because it was just a work thing.

So, I'm sitting here procrastinating grading fake papers for my online teacher training, and I'm thinking about all the people I will miss seeing throughout the week. I would like to name you all right here, but what if I forgot somebody?!?! So, you know I'm talking to you.

Back to what I meant to talk about in this post---
I might hibernate this winter, only going outside to get to Wegmans to eat, or Midtown to work out, or Blue Lotus to do yoga. So we might have to just keep in touch here on the Internet. I'm going to have a new website and move the blog somewhere else. But I hope you'll starting talking back to me---this relationship is feeling pretty one sided :)

Worth Reading.

"The brain is a three-pound supercomputer. It is the command and control center running your life. It is involved in absolutely everything you do. Your brain determines how you think, how you feel, how you act, and how well you get along with other people. Your brain even determines the kind of person you are. It determines how thoughtful you are; how polite or how rude you are. It determines how well you think on your feet, and it is involved with how well you do at work and with your family. Your brain also influences your emotional well being and how well you do with the opposite sex.
Your brain is more complicated than any computer we can imagine. Did you know that you have one hundred billion nerve cells in your brain, and every nerve cell has many connections to other nerve cells? In fact, your brain has more connections in it than there are stars in the universe! Optimizing your brain's function is essential to being the best you can be, whether at work, in leisure, or in your relationships."

http://www.creativityatwork.com/articlesContent/Brain/amen-optimize-brain.html

Socks!

Yesterday as I walked the three miles in from the parking lot to the Eastman Building at RIT (only a small exaggeration), I realized my feet were freezing.....and then I realized I should have had a coat on....and also that I haven't worn socks or outerwear to work since May.

I'm horrible with socks--some unknown sock monster eats them, one at a time. So I never have a match. Thankfully, I'm not opposed to wearing unmatched socks, and Uggs don't require them at all. This is the major underlying reason why I should live in a climate where socks are never required. And shoes should be optional. That being said, there is something comforting about the chill in the air (Did I really say that?!)---I don't have big plans this weekend (yoga, gym, work, repeat), just staying inside drinking tea and wearing daytime pajamas. This is the best attempt I can make at looking forward to winter. {shiver}

Maybe I'll buy a crockpot.

You're coming into your own, Dear Leo

Before you think I'm crazy and click away, read on for a bit. I read my horoscope every month, and http://www.susanmiller.com/ is my horoscope of choice (thanks Mom). Don't ask me if I believe in it, because I don't know. But reading it for the past couple months has really made me think about how we are influenced by what others say to us.

My horoscope for Sept was a little down and for Oct, it's much more hopeful, with the summary beginning by saying, "You're coming into your own, Dear Leo." I have no idea why, but that made me feel good. And, of course (you know me by now!), it made me think...

I talk to a lot of people who tell me about how they interact with their doctors. A general complaint among women is that their Primary Care Provider (PCP) doesn't understand them. This is usually found by women who would like to lose some weight (or their doctors would like them to). They dread going to the doctor knowing they'll be lectured about their weight. I find this very unfortunate because doctors are in a position that could potentially be very helpful to their patients. Instead, they tell women (and men too, probably) what a bad job they're doing and that they just need to lose weight.

Today I spoke with a woman who was thrilled that her doctor's office called to push back this week's appointment until December. She spent much of last year navigating through weight loss and losing 15 pounds very slowly. Then, life caught up with her, job pressures increased, and she gained the weight back. Not only is she struggling with how to get started again, but she's dreading facing her doctor who will just berate her for the failure and tell her to lose the weight. On top of that, when she's asked her doctor for help with how to lose weight, she has gotten no useful information.

It's clear to me that being negative and making someone feel badly is 100% counterproductive. We strive to give our kids positive feedback to elicit more positive behavior, right? Well, adults work that way too. I know that some people joke that no matter what they do, I will always find something good to pick out and focus on (after a week off the wagon, or whatever the case may be). In fact, I generally ask people before they tell me what they "screwed up" to tell me at least one thing they did well. There is always something. And it might sound funny or not important, but that's my #1 goal. When you are done talking to me, you should feel better about yourself than before. Also, you should have at least one thing you're going to work on in a positive way (not as punishment).

So when Susan Miller gave me some good motivating advice in my horoscope this month, it gave me a boost. Silly? yes. Do I care? No. Take it where you can get it! :)